Works Well with Others: Shaking Hands, Shutting Up, and Other Crucial Skills in Business That No One Ever Teaches You

This was another used book store find…

A quick read, packed with tidbits on work politics, getting ahead and staying out of trouble. The book wasn’t based around a single “thing” you have to do to be successful. I think this added to my interest in the book (and wore out my highlighter). Expect a collection of thought-provoking perspectives through the journey/experiences of the author’s career change. Humor, honesty and simple concepts make it a quick and easy read.

Summary: this is another “definitely” on the recommendation list.  A fun book with straight-to-the-point tips for anyone changing careers or expanding their network within the same company.

Here is some of my favorite tips/advice from the book with my own additional take-aways…

Appearing/Being Successful

If you don’t screw up when you start, you are over-qualified. If you don’t learn from those mistakes, you are under-qualified.

Be aware of the Imposter Phenomenon: you aren’t as successful as you make others think you are. Everyone is an imposter to some degree. Everyone is weird and nervous too; some are just better at hiding it.

Discretion is a major discipline in an imposter strategy. Talking more will not earn someone’s worth.

Doing work too fast is a bad idea, but doing work too slowly is a terrible idea. Find the balance between preparation/due diligence and delivering on-time. Some times you need to slow down to speed up.  Other times you need to go faster and take risks.

Never ask for credit.  If you want full credit in a business role, find a different career.

Presentations

People that are more knowledgeable on subjects make more eye contact. Either learn more about the content or forcefully make more eye contact (ideally the former).

Be genuinely interested in what you are talking about… always.  You can’t fake interest or passion (see point above).

A story must always match an audience’s interest – not your own. Even if the content is yours, match the story to your audience.

Everyone in an audience starts out a presentation wanting to be inspired. They want you to succeed. Don’t take this as pressure, take it as comfort.

Nobody misses what was never there. Don’t over plan speeches, etc. Audiences don’t know your script. Know your topics, and talk naturally about them. When you try to memorize a script, you risk missing a part and throwing yourself off.

Passion is great, but too much passion is unprofessional. You sometimes benefit from undercutting (self-deprecating) your passion with reality. You don’t have to insult others or self-deprecate to build rapport – this is a sign of insecurity. Just stick with respectful reality.

Living with Time

Time itself can’t be managed. It can only be acknowledge or ignored. Time operates on it’s own. You live within it.

NEVER explain why you are late. People that make excuses do it because of habit. Don’t allow yourself to build a habit. Apologize (sincerely) and move on.

If you WANT to be on-time, you WILL be on-time. If it’s a must thing, nothing could be an excuse.  Late to your wedding?  Late to claim your lottery winnings?  An excuse acknowledges the level of importance you give…that’s why never explain why you are late.

Collaboration and Communication

A collaboration consists of two or more people better off together.

Every good collaboration starts with an admittance of strength(s) and weakness(es).

You want to work with someone smart, but not knowing the SAME things as you. You want some good tension.

Find someone not afraid to step on toes, but an excellent communicator. Communication is the key to getting to good work sooner.

Emails should be aggressive and clear. Concise without ambiguity.  Emails should not be a dumping ground for “diarrhea of the mind”.  State points and questions clearly and easy to read/understand.

Every time you write an email, think “How would Robert DeNiro write it?”

Never start a sentence with “Well…”   Never end with “thoughts”?

Politics and Conflict

If you’re struggling with a co-worker, find out, first, if they are purposefully out to get you. Maybe they don’t know? If they don’t know, be honest with simple facts on the issue.

Taking the high road is too safe, taking the low road is a sh*t show. Take the reality road: “this is how it is” road can be magical.

NEVER kill with kindness – it’s passive aggressive. Never fight. A battle can only happen when someone gets to win.  Even if you never get an answer, you will have demonstrated, “I see it” and that should earn you respect.

Always keep score in meetings.  Know who is talking, who takes notes, who interrupts, who never speaks, etc. Constantly ask yourself why for each of those roles.  Always question observations from hidden politics.

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F_ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life

I’ll admit it, the title of this book and the assumption that a lot of cursing would be involved drew me to make the purchase. I didn’t expect the content to be revolutionary, but a different spin on the same old advice. No offense intended…because this is how most self-help books work. It was also the first book I listened to on Audible and for that part alone, it was not a disappointment.

The first third of the book reminded me of a stand up comic’s routine. I couldn’t stop laughing. I was listening to it while driving and it made three hours pass by in a second. The dry, sarcastic vulgar delivery was perfect for the “get over it” subject matter. The first part didn’t venture into solving problems, just calling out all the ridiculous things we care too much about.

If the book would have ended after the first few chapters, I would have been happy. However, my 100 Book goal required me to read [listen] to the end, so I stuck it out. In short, the middle of the book had some valuable content, some of it noted below. The last third of the book was quite repetitive.

Below are the main topics I took away from the book. Again, nothing earth shattering here, but the entertainment value was the worth the price alone.

-work towards something greater in your life. a greater purpose gives you the focus to care about the things that matter and not give a f*ck about the things that don’t
-adopt a sort of Grit (another book I read and enjoyed thoroughly) mentality. essentially, obsess about the things that do matter and accomplish them at all costs
-allow yourself a limited number of f*cks — use them wisely
-what f*cks you do give are what you care about the most (take note of these things)
-you have to spend some f*cks — otherwise you aren’t passionate about anything and will be seen as entitled
-you control your emotions — no one can make you anything (you allow emotions to happen)
-don’t let your emotions dictate your actions
-in the end, remember what 3yr olds and dogs have in common…
they both sh*t on your floor and you don’t give a f*ck (because you love them)

Despite the lackluster ending, I have recommended this book to several people. Almost all of which, have listened to it and summarized it the same as above.

No doubt, Principles by Ray Dalio will have been one of my favorite read books of 2018 (and lifetime). It is long, but well worth the time investment it.

Time is like a river that carries us forward into encounters with reality that requires us to make decisions. We can’t stop our movement down this river and we can’t avoid these encounters, we can only approach them in the best possible way
-Ray Dalio

The book is really three different parts (or separate books) bound together:
Part 1 is Ray’s personal story of his journey in creating Bridgewater Associates, an extremely success investment management firm that is responsible for over $160B in funds.
Part 2 is Life Principles, and is the meat of the reason you might buy the book. It’s organized as a list of Ray’s personal principles that he chooses to live his life by. Not just a list, it contains a wonderful thought-breakdown of how he came up with them, why they are important and how he approaches each one.
Part 3 is Work Principles, basically an application of his life principles, applied to work. There is less behind-the-scenes in this section of the book and more straight to the point.

How to Read it

Ray’s advice in the beginning of the book is sound. Don’t treat it as him being humble, he has actually bound three different books together in one, and doesn’t want you to waste your time. Here’s my own flavor of his advice:

• if you don’t really care for his personal story, skip it. No one’s feelings will be hurt. As I’m not running my own business or in the investment business, there was not a lot of value I drew from this section (relative to the reason I bought the book) other than just fulfilling pure curiosity. Think of it like a brief memoir that helps you understand how principles came about
• Life Principles is like a normal book…read it start/finish…this part has content that applies to everyone.
• use the third part of the book, Work Principles, as a reference manual…don’t necessarily read it start/finish unless you just want to. Look back at it when you encounter situations at work and need suggestions for how to approach difficult encounters.

In order to fulfill my “read it” criteria for my 100 books goal, I ignored the advice above. No regrets, but I wanted to share the above because he was honest about his advice and others may not have the same goals as me. 

General Impression

For the most part, the rest of this summary/review focuses on the second section of the book: Life Principles. I could write pages and pages (I did in my journal) on the advice Ray leaves you with. In fact, I even started my own Life Principles project to begin documenting my own.

As mentioned above, this section is outlined very well but also goes deep into explaining why the principles are important in many aspects of life. It’s easy to read, immediately applicable and I found myself highlight entire paragraphs and pages and ultimately had a stop altogether – it was all good.

Like with many authors I’ve found in the business or self-help section, parts of their messaging can often get repetitive. That part is somewhat inevitable in Life Principles, where the principles all support one another and are intertwined. You might think that is what contributes to the size of this book; however, you would be wrong. It it packed with MANY (new) ideas – not just the same old tips repurposed in a new book.

My favorite concepts

To avoid this being an insanely long post, I will share some of my favorite takeaways in bullet form without any reflection (they are good enough on their own).

• people will better admire your work if you can prevent them from becoming threatened or jealous
• obsess with finding right, not being right
• most people call something “bad” only because it is bad for them
• don’t be embarrassed by your problems; be embarrassed by not working to solve them
• don’t be afraid to fire yourself if you are not the right fit; lead yourself first, before you can lead others – Einstein was a genius, but would you want him on your basketball team?
• humility is probably the most important skill
• you can’t learn what you already know
• be clear about whether you are arguing or seeking more information to understand better
• before you make a statement ask yourself if you know everything there is to know to make a statement, if not – phrase it in a question
• it is never harmful to hear an opposing viewpoint; it doesn’t threaten you to learn more
• people often make decisions first and cherry-pick data to support their decision
• focus, focus, focus on doing the must-do things very well (and first)

Again, this list is probably just 5% of what I noted and took away from just part two of the book. And I have already referred back to Work Principles once or twice in working with my teams through some difficult projects. Can’t say enough: highly recommend this one.

Inspired by two of my favorite books: Principles by Ray Dalio and Benjamin Franklin: An American Life by Walter Isaacson, I am documenting my own Life Principles and Virtues. This will be a constant work in progress, but am sharing them [before perfect] as a public commitment and reminder to myself.

1. Never do harm to other people whether intentionally or indirectly (e.g. speaking of them negatively behind their back)

2. Remember that it is naive to think all that someone believes in is right and all that someone rejects is therefore wrong (this applies to self and others)

3. Judge others by what they do well. Judge yourself by your faults. 

4. Measure yourself by what you do, not by what you think or plan.

5. Always strive to find the right answer. Never take pride in being right.

6. Remember that the majority of statements are opinions. Be clear when sharing opinion vs. fact

7. You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with. Surround yourself with people you admire, respect and can learn from. Avoid those that are negative or hurtful to self/others.

Success.  Are you Interested or Interesting? It boils down to two simple words. We’ll come back to them in a minute.

Happiness

Most successful people will tell you that money rarely leads to happiness. They will tell you, at best, money provides safety, predictability and access to things or places. They will tell you that money makes life easier to focus on what truly makes us happy…but money itself doesn’t necessarily make us happy. They will tell you all these things; but they don’t believe it themselves.

Read More …

I’ve been reading The ONE Thing: The Surprisingly Simple Truth Behind Extraordinary Results by Gary Keller and Jay Papasan. Rather fitting, the book discusses one main theme: To be successful, focus on ONE thing and one thing only. It’s full of great quotes, useful analogies and anecdotes to apply the principles behind achieving success. About half way through the book I started to think, “What’s my ONE thing?”  which led me to writing this post.

My Challenge

I’ve been blogging on/off for the last couple of years, and have recently tried to improve the frequency and consistency of my content output. I’ve been proud of the work thus far, but always wish I could do more.

Many successful daily bloggers talk about only publishing content that they are truly proud of. Since writing is a in-my-spare-time endeavor, my challenge has been balancing prioritizing between my day job and family and the time needed curate and edit quality posts. I’ve been struggling to find that time needed to write the quality content that I would be proud of.

Quality vs. Quantity

I am conflicted with the advice of these bloggers… to only publish extremely high quality content. For starters, it’s a subjective valuation of the content. Is it my opinion or the readers? Surely, it’s the readers, right? For example, I might be overly anal about grammar, while a reader has mostly ignored my punctuation and is more interested in the story. You get the point.

Also, I believe doing is better than thinking. Rather than spending more time thinking about a single post, I’d rather spend that time working on a second or third post…

The entrepreneur in me says, more/regular posts are better than writing the “perfect” post.

Figure It Out

While the major premise of the book is discussing the idea of focusing on ONE thing, there is an undertone of “getting started immediately” as well. The best quote of the book is found early and is taken from the movie City Slickers. It’s the part of the movie where Mitch and Curly, who haven’t seen eye-to-eye up to this point, leave the group to herd stray cattle. As they ride together alone, they seem to bond over a conversation about life.

Curly: “Do you know what the secret to life is?”
Mitch: “No. What?”
Curly: “This.” [holds up one finger]
Mitch: “Your finger?”
Curly: “One thing. Just one thing. You stick to that and everything else don’t mean sh*t”
Mitch: “That’s great, but what’s the ‘one thing’?”
Curly: [smiles] “That’s what you’ve got to figure out”

Just Start

This introduces my newest experiment: figure out what my ONE thing is…and I plan to do that by writing more regular posts. Same types of content, just shorter and more regular. My current plan is to attempt to post content every other day or so and focus solely on keeping the schedule.

I’ll be keeping these posts separate, under the category: daily.

Journaling has become a valuable tool in many successful people’s toolboxes. But if you haven’t had a chance to give it a try, you may wonder, “What are the benefits of journaling and how can I use it as a tool to help me accomplish my goals?”

For one of the months for my Responsive Resolutions, I decided to try journaling every day. I had heard of the benefits of journaling from colleagues, but had never actually spent the time to commit to it. However, I was willing to suck it up and try it, at least for a month.

Finding time to journal was actually relatively easy. I decided to keep my first month’s resolution of waking up at 5 am – which on a side note, has been a game changer for my productivity. I now have plenty of time to get a work out in, write, read or now journal before the craziness of the day begins.

Related: How to Wake Up Early – Tricks to Getting the Most Out of the Day

“Writing about myself always seemed superficial”

I’ll admit I was a bit of a skeptic with the idea of journaling. Writing about myself always seemed superficial. I never fashioned myself as a guy that kept a “diary”. I already spent a lot of time reflecting on my personal life, work, goals, etc. Writing them down almost seems redundant to me.

What I found was kind of interesting.

Benefits of Journaling

“…the things I am reflecting on are always within my control”

The process of journaling wasn’t so much about writing, as it was planning. I was learning a lot about myself, as I would expect, but it was the increase in productivity that really caught my interest.

Over the course of reflecting on success/mistakes of the past and setting new goals for the future, one thing always stood out in my mind: the things I am reflecting on are always within my control.

“Why am I not doing anything about it?”

So, naturally my reflection of these thoughts was, “Why am I not doing anything about it?”  THIS is where the magic happens. Inevitably, this reflection caused me to take some action, even if it is only to add an item to my task list. I don’t beat myself up over anything, but taking some action to improve the future ensures I am always growing.

My journaling has drastically shifted away from free-form writing or prompt/question and answer to more of a goal review and task planning for the day. Here’s a quick look at the structure and benefits of journaling I am seeing in my daily life.

Journaling Outline

Time To Complete: 10 minutes

Completed/Failed

Each journaling session starts out with a list of things I have completed or failed in the day(s) since I wrote last. This can be anything noteworthy, planned or unplanned. The goal is to acknowledge accomplishments, which is often a step that we over look and call out mistakes for further reflection.

Benefit: This is my way of measuring productivity and creating focus on personal growth. Reviewing the last few journal entries also gives me the opportunity to make sure no Must-Do tasks are getting left behind.

Must Do

After I review the pervious journal entries and get my Completed list done, I transition into my must-do list. As the name describes, this list is designed to reflect on the things I must do that day. Often these task items were already on a task list somewhere, but by journaling about them first thing in the morning, I am mentally moving them to a fresher part of my brain. And if I know I can’t complete something in the given day, I move it to my longer-term digital task list.

Benefit: This prevents me from filling up my Must Do list with with items I can’t complete and gives me much better focus for the day.

Learn/Share/Give

The third list I create is a “learn, share or give” list. This list is a catch-all for anything that I want to accomplish, but is not a Must Do item and doesn’t really fit the category of a task. It includes things like ideas for learning or sharing information and goals toward giving back to others. Sometimes i use this space in my journal to do a diagram about a problem I want to solve or an idea I want to explore.

Benefit: This area achieves the advantageous of free-form writing and I can often generate new ideas from just a few minutes of time reflecting.

I highly recommend The Decision Book by Mikael Krogerus. Each page is a different diagram that you can model to make decisions as well as explore different ideas, alternatives, etc. I use this weekly for new ideas on ways to tackle problems or make decisions.

The benefits of journaling are really personal. It can be an outlet for thoughts or simply a way to better plan your day. Whatever the benefits, I encourage you to give it a try and experiment. Often it takes some trial and error, as it did for me, to find the sweet spot.